Where Glamour Goes to Die

By some small miracle I manage to shower and apply make-up most days, even on days where I run in the morning.

I planned on running today and decided to wait until after B's nap to go. I dressed in my workout clothes and started the day. B woke up from his nap around 10:45 and by that time it had begun to mist first time in 3 months. I just didn't have the energy to push the 30 lb stroller + two children while running in the rain so, we had an inside day instead. It'd been a while since I'd had one of those days.

 I mopped my kitchen floors, made brownies and even got a little nap in the afternoon- all while still wearing my workout clothes. While these "easy" days are nice to have, they are draining in their own way- since the kids and I are on top of eachother all day. By the time Tommy gets home I'm ready for 5 minutes to myself.

See, motherhood is a beautiful, treasured experience in my life and I would never trade it for anything in the world. I know that I'm blessed to not only have my children but that I'm also privileged to be able to stay home with them; I'm grateful that Tommy's income allows us this large luxury. Having said that, no one ever tells you during your pregnancy with your first child just how your life will change- I don't think it can be expressed; only experienced. No one tells you that you will never, EVER go to the bathroom by yourself again. I laugh when Tommy shuts the door to the bathroom and when R tries to follow him in he tells her "daddy's going potty, I'll be right out." Seriously, can't remember when I last did that. No one ever tells you that although you may lose all of your baby weight, your clothing will never fit the same. You never know that you might one day look down and find a booger on your leg which did not come from your nose or that you'll eat the crusts of your child's sandwich for lunch because you have lost the time to eat.

I did not get a chance to shower today and I spent the day in my workout clothes which somehow makes me feel better and more active even though I know its only in my head. When Tommy finally walked in the door from work I announced that I was going to take a shower. I stood in the scalding water for 10 uninterrupted minutes and it was FAN-FREAKING-TASTIC! I dressed and came into the livingroom feeling so clean and once again human. I picked up my little B to kiss his chubby cheeks when suddenly, he ralphed all over me. Tommy and R laughed at me and B smiled. I closed my eyes and exhaled.

Yes, motherhood may be where glamour and privacy go to die but in those moments of greif over the loss of clean clothes and the stench of vomit seaping into my pants I listened to the giggles and realize that it's okay. My clothes will be clean one day but I know that I will look back and miss terribly the days of not.